Wednesday, March 30, 2005

new face

My company got its new personal assistant cum receptionist today. She's a 22 years old girl with pan asian face. She has a slightly prominent nose, fair skin and long straight hair, tied in a high pony tail. Bottom line is, she is cute.

All of a sudden. The office seems to be a little bit more alive that it usually is. Guys fetches the miscellaneous forms, guy go to the toilet. This that here there. They joke around, laugh out loud, tease each other.

So I guess what the company really needs is chicks. Thats it.

cd rom drive stuck

My CD-ROM drive tray got stuck when I was trying to Install .NET onto my pc. So i shaked the tray until the tray autometically retracts itself.

Interesting eh? I don't think so.

In the process of shaking the CD tray, I was reminded of my early days with computers. Those days, a PC seems so mysterious. I don't dare sake the tray, lug it around like excess baggage or even rest my foot on the casing. A pc was sacred back then.

Now, after I've know the rough workings of a pc, assembled a pc by parts and tweaked it a little bit, i find that i have lost that awe i used to have.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

describe me

Global Personality Test Results
Stability (56%)

moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness (33%) moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible,

improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term

Extraversion (17%) low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet,

unassertive, and secretive.
Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by

the meatrix

come and take the red pill

shock! horror!

I double clicked on my book keeping file, and the computer displays a blank spreadsheet on the screen.

I closed the sheet and double clicked the book keeping file again. It still loads a blank spreadsheet.

After a few seconds of contemplation, I finally accepts the fact that my 8 months worth of financial data is lost. Everything. I am left with a clean slate. All my debts, my splurches, my financial mistakes. All are gone. *sigh*

Lesson learned: Backup important files.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

don't leave me, i'm scared

I'm job hunting. My current workplace have lost its appeals. I love the work being done here. It excites me. I'm wet all the time. Ok, that went too far. I love the work, but the the company is facing an uncertain future. I can't see myself growing with the company.

Plus, the social climate here have gotten quite cold lately. Wintry cold. Maybe it was all my own doing. Regrets? No.

But thats not what i'm gonna talk about now. Nope nope nope. That's not it. What I'm talking about now is worries. Yes, worries, or the lack of it.

It strikes me as funny just now, that I do not feel any worry when thinking about my current situation here. I recall my time in UTP. I'd feel really worried everytime its the finals. Every project submission deadlines. Of course, I'd drown my worries in a game of Counter Strike, Diablo or maybe drown it in sleep. But those activities seems to be as much the cause of my worries rather than its solution. It is a vicious cycle.

Ah, I think I skewed on the real subject there. What I was going to say was that I've arrived to that period in my life, where slacking does not bring critical life changing repercussions on me. Or does it?

but of course I can't play CS, diablo and sleep on the job.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005


My brother have two daughters. The eldest is quite noisy, talkative and playfull. The youngest is a bit introverted.

Since their eldest is hyperactive, I get to see how my brother and his wife discipline their child. Oh, sorry. I did not get to see how they discipline their child. What I do get to see is, how they spoil her. My mistake.

There are countless times when their did some potentially harmfull acts and they would just sit back and do nothing about it. I would cringe and think to myself 'Why the fnck do they allow her to kick the ball to the general direction of the sleeping babies?', 'What are they thinking when she's trying to grab that glass full of orange juice?', 'Where are they when she's annoying the house guests?'.

I do wonder if this might be a revolutionary way of raising your children. Maybe this is a way to make them grow up to be independent, confident and outspoken person. I have no idea. I am no child psychology expert.

Again, I wonder how I would fare being a father. Will I become apathic like my brother? I often say to myself that I will not raise my children the way my father raise me. How true will that be? I objected to the way my brother raise his daughters, but maybe that is the way he thinks he would like our father raise us.

I objected to the way my parents discipline us, but then I objected the way my brother did not discipline his daughters.

I contradict.

I'm a walking contradiction ...

kerrannggg jenggg jenngg jennngggg jennggggg

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

the masterpiece

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Sunday, March 13, 2005

newest update until the next newest update which is also until the next newest and so on and so forth

Hi readers! how are you all? I do hope that you all are doing ok. Today, I'm going to tell you about my trip to UTP a couple of days ago. Yes, I went to UTP.

I was a typical tuesday night. The sky is overcast, probably because of the bad weather covering Malaysia with haze, or maybe its just my poor perception. I did not notice anything exceptional with that night. It seems so mundane, so ordinary, so tuesday. Tiring. That night, we (me and tamin) drove all the way to UTP, to do some inquiry to Dr Abas (our former lecturer) about the possibility of doing a trainee lecturer program.

The ride to tronoh was tiring. The day was spent working. Hence tamin was mostly asleep during the journey. As for me, I let my mind wander. I wonder; what will be of me two to three years in the future. Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Que Sera Sera. Fuck off and Die. Sorry dear readers. I don't give a damn anymore.

Anyway. We arrived to tronoh at around 1:30 am. I've booked a room in Macai's Old Boys Inn which is convieniently located just 15 minute ride to UTP. Macai, the innkeeper was already fast asleep when we arrived in front of the inn's sliding gate. A short phone call was enough to rouse the innkeeper from his slumber. I felt rather ashamed to have to wake good ol' macai from his sleep. I was never a person that'll force myself onto other, unless under special conditions. Though I do regret it. But that is a different story and I am not going to go into it.

After a short small talk with macai, we retired to our room. I managed to grab hold of a pillow during our small talk with macai. Hence I get to sleep with comfort. Poor tamin, he had to rest his head on level mattress. At around 3 am, tamin started to snore, and boy! he could really snore. I felt a pang of guilt for taking the pillow for myself because I think if he had the pillow for the night, he'd not snore. I read that snoring could tire you and cause you to not get a really restfull sleep. So I shoved the pillow to tamin's general direction. In hopes that he'll instinctively put it under his head. But he never did. Most of the time, we don't get what we want.

That morning, I woke up at 7 am. I prepared breakfast for everyone* before I have my cold shower.

After the morning rituals, we head to UTP.

When we arrive to UTP, we head to the IT school.

We climbed steps. On the top floor, we're met with defeat. no thats too dramatic. We're met with closed doors. A little less dramatic but still is. Nobody is around. Just nice.

We waited.

And waited.

I saw a glimpse of Noreen Izza. She was our classmate during our student years. She have this japanese teeths that looks so cute on her. She's a good lecturer. She drives a kancil. I saw her in penang during the last Raya Haji. I was also a glimpse, much like this one. She always wear her hair tied in a pony tail. Her skin is tan like fair olives.

Then we waited some more.

Then we stumbled upon Md Nor Ibrahim. He was my network security lecturer. I avoided him just because I dunno what to say to him. Tamin did his usual thing. He chatted with him for a while. Then he left.

We continued to wait.

Then the lecturer's office desk clerk came to the office. He invited us to sit in the lounge area. I reluctantly accepted his offer. He plonked our asses in the ultra modern sofa chairs. Simple yet elegant. So petronas. So KLCCish.

Some minutes passed before Mr Shuib stumbled upon us. We exchanged some pleasantries before he left for his room.

More minutes passes. Then Monseiur Jale, UTP's most hated lecturer arrived. He checked out some bulletin posts on the clear glass door before entering the office space. I caught him checking us out prior to his entry, while he was checking the bulletin. He walked pass us without acknowleding our presence. I felt elated. We were never liked by him. We were are what we are. We sucked but he sucked more.

After a long wait, Dr Abas managed to drop by. We were ushered into a meeting room. The very same room that we used to discuss our final year project with him. The same room where i made excuses for my failure to hand in my weekly reports.

He proceeded to asks us about work, job prospects and everything in between. While doing that, he managed to give us advices on our careers and encourages us to do well in it. I sensed some hidden agenda here. It seemed to me back then that out presence there was unwelcomed.

After his long introductory speech, tamin managed to interject and tell him of our main reason of being there; to scout the possibility of doing a trainee lecturer program. As if hearing a cue to start another lecture, Dr Abas goes on to explain to us about UTP's strategy and policy. It seems that UTP have stopped taking trainee lecturers and are now focusing to attract phd holders instead. Its our cue to leave. But the lecture didn't stop. I made some efforts to end the conversation there, but it was to no avail. I even made fun of my boss to make him conclude. That too did not work. It didn't stop until after a quite some time.

During the exchange, I noticed that he used that casual 'aku' and 'kau' to call himself and us. It seemed to me that we have reached the stage where we are no longer below him. We are being treated like people of equal standards. Only our standard is not enough to lend us lecturing stints.

I felt an illogical sense of disappointment. What I heard in the exchange was all true and logical. Some of Dr Abas' suggestion to gain more experiance and qualifications was actually my original idea. This whole trip to UTP was in reality, us entertaining a big 'why not?'. It proved to be a little bit of a waste of time. But It was neccessary, since without it we'd probably be asking ourselves if lecturer trainee program was indeed plausible option.

With mixed feeling, we went to have some food at Syed Mohammed. A local mamak eatery. Syed mohammed caters indian muslim food. It is UTP's favorite breakfast spot, usually frequented by people with the transport to convieniently get there in the morning.

Tamin and I was discussing about the matter of our future when our past walked into the restaurant. There it was, In the restaurant entry, stood a bunch of young girls in their early twenties. Their slender figures was framed by a soft glow of morning light, coming through the restaurant entryway. Stood in the middle of the group was Rocket. The ever radiant. Beside her was eima. With her ruffled curls tied in a pony tail. Encircling them was some unnamed extras. Yes, I am being mean. When in the presence of Rocket and Eima, no other girls are worth glimpsing.

Ahh.. Rocket...

The End


Monday, March 07, 2005

I'm Alive~! I'm Alive~!!!

ok.. so i didn't die yesterday, but i'm sure one of these days will be the day I die. Hell, everybody will die eventually.

Friends asked me why did i put up such a morbid entry. My answer was always this:

I went to a medicine man last saturday, to have him check out this discomfort i'm feeling in my stomach and the area south of my stomach. *coughs*. Anyways.. after a long wait (apparently, this medicine man is kind of well known. People from all parts of Selangor and Negeri Sembilan flock to his house for treatments. He lives in semenyih, if you are wondering) anyways... after a long wait.. i was admitted into his room and told to... wait some more... after another long wait.. he finally came to me and started to check my pulse.

In just about a minute of feeling my pulse, he managed to miraculosly point out the place that i'm feeling the discomfort and identify the cause of the discomfort. Which is my upper back. Then he goes on to point out that i experiance some headaches and stomach discomforts. To my amusement, he was right... I do experiance the headaches and I do feel the discomfort too.

He then proceeded to tell me that, if the condition is left unchecked, i might die. I think at about this time, i started to smirk in skeptism.

Truth be told, i do have a measure of skeptism in me, regarding the whole traditional or spiritual healing. But, I do believe that we humans, no, all living things are made from two kinds of elements, the phisical and the spiritual. Modern medicine could only cover the physical part of healing. No matter how science have advanced, if our scientists could never believe the existance of this spiritual element, modern medicine will never be complete.

The problem is that, traditional medicine, that incorporates the spiritual elements, are rife with hoaxes and witch-craft. How can we estimate a healer's legitimacy when we are dealing with things unseen?

So i'll retain my skepticism but i'll go nonetheless go with traditional healing for now. I have nothing to lose, at least traditional healing is not overeager to cut you up to see your insides at the slightest hints of complications.

If worse comes to worst, tommorrow might be the day I die.

Nothing to lose there, except that i might end up with an eternity of Hell.

Sunday, March 06, 2005


Hi, my name is Mohd Taqiyuddin bin Mohd Bakir. I was born in Hospital Bersalin Kuala Lumpur on 29th July 1979. My mother wanted a daughter, but she bore me instead.

All my life, I followed the rules. Lived in insecurities. Cowered in fear and worry about what others think of me.

Today, is the day I die.

Good Riddance.

Thursday, March 03, 2005


Felt like listening to them. Sadly, they're quite an obscure band. Anyone knows of saturnine?